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When a man stands up for you during a difficult situation, attends functions that are important to you, considers you first when planning, goes with you to see your family or does little jobs/chores for you, these are all ways that a man says he loves you.
My point in all this is that saying “I love you” is a big deal in terms of his commitment to the relationship in the majority of men. To put it in terms of your questions: How do men show their love?
Look, to exist in an affair for any length of time, you have to be a few sandwiches shy of picnic. Do you really need this person harassing you and losing their shit?
But the biggest reason not to confront the affair partner?
There might also be some truth in it — but how fucked up is that? Gaining a life means you get your dignity and self-respect. Or a fleeting Sense of Aliveness, or whatever that Esther Perel bullshit is.
You’ve got better things to do than orbit Planet Narcissist in some intergalactic fact-finding mission.