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So long as your husband thinks he can dictate terms by pointing to his triggers and his trauma, GMHC, he has every incentive to continue being triggered and traumatized.So with your couples therapist there to mediate, tell him your marriage is either open or closed.
Or maybe you're the wrong kind of sadist: the un-self-aware emotional sadist.
You're not interested in being his cuckold and he can't point to his trauma to force you into that role.
You're a handsome couple—thanks for enclosing the lovely picture (sometimes it's nice to see the face of the person I'm responding to!
He told our therapist that every time I hooked up with someone, he was retraumatized because it reminded him of the time I broke up with him for six months 20 years ago.
I agreed to a monogamous relationship, and I've gone a year without hooking up with anyone else.